On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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