A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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