I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
