he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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