I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Your dad touched me again.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
