this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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