dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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