She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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