I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
