I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
