what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I need a beard to bite.
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