I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
