spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
