Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize