I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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