I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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