great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
