Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
