No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
