I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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