If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
