oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
