you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
