Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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