Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The uberlube is also flammable
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
