i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
