so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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