normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you win again, gameday.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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