I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
