I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
