brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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