My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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