When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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