so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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