Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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