She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
