Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Can I color on your dick again?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
