I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
