i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
