Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
