party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
