Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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