You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
