It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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