smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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