hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
