Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
