So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
