i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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