Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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