I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
