the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize