I wish I could teleport
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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