her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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