my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
