Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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