Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
