I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
