there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
