New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
pop tarts are not kleenex
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
