I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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