Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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