this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
