Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
