I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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