my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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