yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
