is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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