Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
