I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
His nipple licking is glorious
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