how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
