Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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