Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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