so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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