Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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