My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
