i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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