Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
