The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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