i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
