Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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