i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
