Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
