Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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