One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
