Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
