Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
