My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize