1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
how drunk are you?
Several
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
