You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
