she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
