I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
birth control should be required to get into college
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
