She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
