M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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