we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
