I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
