your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
